I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
