How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We talked him into tasing himself.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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