Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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