We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
