I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
