She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
