Where is the hickey?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
