can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
