every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
