Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
