Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
