If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
