did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
