clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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