Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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