just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
