I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
