Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
