mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
