im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
