dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
