drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
