i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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