hell yes lets make some ravioli
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
