official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
