I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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