I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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