I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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