dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
