dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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