Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
