You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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