Tell her she can't have a vagina
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
