I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
