You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
