I must be too annoying 4 u.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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