ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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