He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
high people should be assigned attendants
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
