DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
