Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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