Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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