Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
