Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
