saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I puked a lego.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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