He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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