y did u give ur computer a hand job?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
