you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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