i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just had sex on a roof
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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