I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
