I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
