Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
