Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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